Image for post
Image for post
Image by efes from Pixabay

A letter of apology

Dear Body,

You’re pissed. I’m getting the message loud and clear — now. I’m sorry it took this long for me to finally hear you. When I look back, I can see how you were sending me clues about how unhappy you were, but I kept ignoring them. I’m sorry.

In my defense, I thought I was doing right by you. Remember how I quit dairy for you? I know, again, I should have done that many, many years before I did. I hope you understand how hard that was for me. I mean, quitting cheese? I love cheese. I put cheese on everything. Not anymore. …


A lesson on how to nip hatred in the bud

Protester with sign that reads Hate Makes You Ugly
Protester with sign that reads Hate Makes You Ugly
Credit: Flickr/Fibonacci Blue. CC BY 2.0.

How often have you listened to someone and thought, I don’t like what you say? Or worse, watched them and thought, I don’t like what you do?

I hope you don’t experience this too often with people you know personally. If you watch the daily news coverage, I’ll bet the answer would be — daily. I’m a news junkie and catch myself thinking I don’t like you every day. That can’t be good.

I know people who have vowed to look away. They don’t watch news coverage at all anymore. I don’t subscribe to that method, though. I want to know when the world is collapsing so I can prepare. …


We need to strengthen our tolerance for the unknown

Young girl covers her eyes.
Young girl covers her eyes.
Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

We live in a highly predictable world, but it wasn’t always this way. Our ancestors faced unknowns around every corner, and they did it with grace. If tolerance for uncertainty was a muscle, they used it and built up some impressive bulk. We’ve let that muscle wither and atrophy.

How did we get so soft?

Today we have apps to predict almost everything, weather, traffic, book recommendations, music, you name it, there’s an app for it. Most of us enjoy the comfort of knowing what to expect and when. Then the pandemic hit and boom, we’re left struggling with an intolerance of uncertainty.

“Fear and anxiety many times indicates that we are moving in a positive direction, out of the safe confines of our comfort zone, and in the direction of our true purpose.”
Charles F. …


They say hearing is the last sense to go, so choose carefully

water flowing down a stream
water flowing down a stream
Photo by Carson Vara on Unsplash

So many people have died recently because of COVID-19 and most would have died alone. What was the last thing they heard before they passed, I wonder?

The sterile sounds of medical equipment alarms and beeps are likely the last sounds they heard. Perhaps the reassurances and a few kind words from nurses and doctor's right before their intubation? Not ideal. Not altogether soothing either, I would imagine.

When I envision myself in their bedsheets, I’m terrified and sad. So it’s got me thinking about what sounds I’d like to hear right before I pass away. I’m fine, by the way. …


Low pressure days feel heavier, yes, but could I also be SAD?

Image for post
Image for post
Image by the author

Whenever the clouds are really low like this, I feel the weight of them pushing down on me. Am I imagining this or is it an actual phenomenon?

I read an article once that claimed lower pressure means less oxygen in the atmosphere, which means less oxygen in the body, and that can make us feel sluggish. I don’t know if there is a valid science behind that, but it feels possible. Or maybe it’s just an excuse to be lazy on a grey day.

I took the above photo on my walk this morning. A walk I did not want to go on, but my husband insisted. We do this walk every day. Rain or shine or snow. But today I really, really didn’t feel like going. He almost had to push me out the door. …


Lately, so many people disappoint me.

A woman who appears disappointed.
A woman who appears disappointed.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

I know during these trying times it’s more popular to tout positivity. I shouldn’t nitpick but — you knew there was a but — I have been more disappointed with people lately than I can recall ever having been before.

When I say they disappoint me, what I really mean is they’ve let me down. Or at least they’ve let down my expectations of them and that’s on me.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

I thought I knew these people. I thought they were kind, rational humans. Didn’t they used to be?

If it weren’t for Trump or this pandemic, two highly unusual phenomenons happening at once, shaking up all the norms, I may never have seen their true colours. …


The story of a forced adoption and the effects that last a lifetime.

baby in hospital bassinet
baby in hospital bassinet
Photo by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

You were adopted into a loving home from what we know. I’m happy for you.

Our mother was just 17 when she became pregnant with you in 1961. Her parents sent her away from the small town where they lived to the big city, far away from small town gossip. She felt banished, alone, and frightened.

Throughout her pregnancy, she stayed in a “home for unwed mothers” run by the Presbyterian church. The sisters were often cruel.

Her father threatened her boyfriend, your birth father, who left town immediately. She considered your birth father cowardly for leaving her and never forgave him. …

About

Bonnie Johnson

I read, I write, I learn. I’m forever dedicated to my curiosity. Blog: https://www.renovatorlife.com Twitter: @BonnieJohnson

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store